Our pregnancy experience - one of an anxious mama
When I think about this second pregnancy, while it was the most anxious I have ever felt, it actually was a positive one.
The main highlights for me was seeing the bump grow each week and feeling Baby H move! When I felt the kicks, it was amazing and comforting. I started feeling movements at 14 weeks which was super early and it eased my anxiety a little. Feeling the kicks increase in frequency and strength as the weeks progressed was truly wonderful. Also this time Hubby had the chance to feel Baby H's kicks and those moments were so precious.
We took weekly bump photos and did a DIY maternity photo shoot at home which was super fun!
As we had a stillbirth previously, we had a lot of extra appointments. The emotions that come with pregnancy after loss is full of conflicting feelings. Feeling both joy at the little one inside me and also the grief of losing our firstborn. Experiencing hope and fear at the same time. It also made me feel very anxious about the pregnancy. At one point I had weekly visits to the hospital and they were both anxiety inducing and reassuring. It was a cycle of feeling reassured when we heard the heartbeat at a scan and then once we got home, the anxiety would start building up until the next scan. The hospital was great though and I'm forever grateful for the care we received.
The pregnancy progressed smoothly and we were gradually discharged from various specialist clinics as Baby H was looking healthy! I can't pinpoint the exact week when we started to feel hopeful but it finally felt like this time we might be okay, and would be going home with our son.
Just when we were thinking all would be fine this time, my waters suddenly broke at 33 weeks and 5 days in the middle of the night. We rushed to the hospital and were admitted into the antenatal ward to see if I would go into labour within the next 48 hours. If not, I would be discharged home and go back to the hospital twice a week for monitoring. The neonatal doctors advised that it would be best for Baby H to stay in until 37 weeks and that he would continue growing even though my waters had broken.
Given our stillbirth previously, it was distressing for me to leave the hospital and in the end my stay was extended because I was so distressed and worried about having to leave. I had no symptoms of labour for four days and then suddenly on the fifth day, I started feeling regular contractions at 9am and Baby H arrived safely in our arms later that afternoon!
We were so lucky that he didn't need any feeding or breathing support and didn't need to stay in NICU. The birth was surprisingly smooth without complications thankfully! I had a natural birth which is what I wanted and postpartum recovery was quick.
What I won't be missing are all the pregnancy symptoms. The whattoexpect.com website is great for showing potential pregnancy symptoms each week and about how the baby is developing!
This pregnancy was so different from the first. I didn't have morning sickness at all the first time but the second time, I had it until the fifth month of the pregnancy. Although termed as morning sickness, it was actually throughout the day for me. I couldn't leave the flat without a bottle of water and for some reason only Mini Cheddars and the Penn State Sour Cream and Chive Pretzels were all that I wanted to snack on to help with the nausea.
I normally love food but this time I had so many food aversions! I used to love sushi but now after both pregnancies, I'm not keen on it anymore. It is so odd!
Pregnancy after loss is hard. I missed the naive thoughts that I had during my first pregnancy and the emotions are so complicated. There is a lot to say about pregnancy after loss but that deserves its own post, when I'm ready.
If you are a mama that has experienced baby loss, I hope this positive rainbow birth story can also give you a glimmer of hope that there can be a positive outcome. I know it is what I looked for to read after the stillbirth.
Jess
You may also be interested in:
Comments
Post a Comment